{photo by star of the seaa}
I feel a little sleepy/poopy/procrastinatey today. Maybe it's because the sun came out yesterday and it was SO gorgeous and spring-like, and now today it's gloomy and rainy again. Boo. Welcome to Portland, me.
I did have fun this weekend though attending a play in which my lovely friend Betsy was one of the leads. Adapted from an Ann Pachett book called Truth & Beauty, it was a true tale of friendship between two women over a span of probably twenty years. It explored their bond through brilliance and laughter, love and loneliness, sickness and addiction. The performance was amazing- it had me tearing up from both laughter and sadness.
And it occurred to me that I could never do that. I could never get up on stage, perform like that, take on the emotions of a character and be so free like that. The whole idea of it feels far too scary.
But seeing them perform also inspired me to think, out of all that stuff I convince myself that I could never do, maybe I'm not giving myself enough credit. Maybe I could do something that's out of my comfort zone and eventually feel comfortable doing it. Maybe I just have to try.
I sometimes think about what I'd do if I could choose to do absolutely anything in my life, without the restrictions of you know, talent, or anything like that. And I always come back to wanting to be a dancer or a musician. Isn't that odd? I've never danced in my life but when I see someone dance it feels so powerful and emotional and I just yearn to do that, to be able to move my body like that. And I've played lots of instruments in my life but am still to this day scared to play in front of anyone, or don't think I'm good enough to play with anyone, like in a band or something. Shudder at the thought!
Fittingly, I found this quote by Ann Panchett (the author of the
book the play was based on) to further kick these thoughts into gear:
"It makes you wonder. All the brilliant things we might have done with our lives if only we suspected we knew how." - from her novel, Bel Canto
And I know it's too late for me to end up a rock star or join a dance company. And hell, who knows if I would have ever even been good enough to do either in the first place. But what's stopping me from taking a dance class now, just for fun? Or writing and recording some songs? Nothing but fear. Fear that I hope to someday be able to overcome, just for my own sense of accomplishment and enjoyment.
What about you? What sort of brilliant thing might you have done with your life, if only you suspected you knew how?
